Baubles, Banter and Bananas
by ellibells
Summary: Chair Christmas! "No. I will not tempt fate. Especially not over Christmas." Blair protested. "Fine. But when you come begging-" Chuck smirked "Oh, don't kid yourself! If anyone's going to crack…it's you." Follows from, Turkey, Tantrums and New Traditions


Title: Baubles, Banter and Bananas

Author: Ellibells

Summary: It's Christmas in New York for the Basses! …"No. I will not tempt fate. Especially not over Christmas." Blair protested. "Fine. But when you come begging-" Chuck smirked "Oh, don't kid yourself! If anyone is going to crack under the frustration, it is you." Continues on from Turkey, Tantrums and New Traditions!

A/N: I found it easier for me to start another one-shot based on the same idea as TTNT :) If you haven't read it, go and read it! I got such a lovely response that I decided to write another one shot and I can tell you that I do have another one lined up so keep your eyes peeled if you like this! Based on the same situation but with exceptions…again…it's in the title! Enjoy and thank you for all the lovely words I received in my last one-shot!

**Thank you to everyone** who reviewed TTNT, you all made me **smile** so much! I hope you all got my reply and I hope you enjoy this if you are reading :)

**_itsmemiriamb_** - Thank you so much for reading and saying it was beautiful! Making me blush! I am happy you like my stories and I hope you like this one :)

**_Jane_** - Thanks so much for reviewing and I defo amgoing to carry on writing! Hope you like this!

_**2 words LOVED IT**_ - You're review was lovely! I am so happy I got you in the christmassy spirit. You were right, I thought it was a perfect one-shot on it's own so that is why I posted this seperate :) Thank you for reading and I hope yo enjoy this!

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><p>"Blair, it is highly unlikely that you are going to go into labour. We have weeks left." Chuck argued as Blair stood firm.<p>

"You don't know that!"

"Your waters are going nowhere for the next few weeks, even the midwife said so-" Chuck pressed, approaching her in an effort to convince her of his point.

"No! I will not tempt fate, Chuck. Not over Christmas, especially." Blair protested, stepping away from temptation as she began to rub her oversized belly affectionately as a pout formed on her lips.

"Fine. But when you come begging-" Chuck smirked, knowing how to push all the right buttons.

"Oh, don't kid yourself! If anyone is going to crack under the frustration, it's you." Blair bantered back as she narrowed her eyes, pointing her perfectly manicured finger before escaping from the room.

It was three days before Christmas and Blair was heavily pregnant. With twins. After more than one incidence of Braxton Hicks and multiple panics about Blair going into labour, B was not taking any chances over the Christmas period, especially since it was her favourite time of year.

_**xoxo  
><strong>_

_**A few hours earlier…**_

"Good morning, Mommy…" Chuck drawled as he turned over in bed so he was now at the side of Blair, running his soft palms across her large stomach.

"Hmm…morning to you too, Daddy…" Blair replied, teasing her eyes open as she was presented with Chuck's content morning face.

"Did I mention I love it when you say that?..." Blair added, smoothing her hand on top of Chuck's as they moved in rhythm together against her oversized belly.

"You may have…" Chuck grinned, merely watching Blair and their bump before placing his lips against the centre of her belly and then up to her lips.

After a few moments of Blair regaining her conscience fully, she looked at Chuck again to find him smirking. Which only meant one thing…

"Nuhuhuh!" Blair called out, knowing exactly what his actions were now insinuating by just a look.

"What! Can I not just rub my wife's pregnant stomach?..." He asked almost too innocently.

"Not with that look on your face! You know what we talked about, Chuck!" She pouted, trying her best to shuffle out of his proximity, only to find, being very pregnant with twins wasn't exactly the quickest way to maneuver and remembering on most days, she had to have Chuck help her out of bed. _Crapbag._

"That was pure coincidence! It could have happened at any time…we just happened to be in a very compromising position when it did…" Chuck tried to justify, remembering the fond day last week when Blair was so horny after an antenatal class that they had to make a pregnancy exception of using the limo. It was only minutes into undressing when the screams begun…not the ones they were both expecting but Blair's screams that she was sure she was in labour.

After a few hours in hospital, they found it was only Braxton Hicks…again for the second time that month.

"No. It was karma. We broke the 'no sex in the limo while pregnant' rule and it came back to bite us in the ass!" Blair exaggerated, hitting him in the arm, hoping it would snap him out of his insane ideas.

"I never did like that rule…"

"I need to pee. Help me." Blair quickly changing the subject as she silently agreed with him.

Without even realising the mistake he had made, he helped his wife out of bed and watched her totter into the bathroom locking the door behind her.

This wasn't over, Chuck thought.

_**xoxo  
><strong>_

_**Present…**_

"Where are you going!" Chuck called after his wife as she disappeared from the room in the fastest waddle she could manage.

"Away from you! Away from temptation!" She called behind her.

Smirking, Chuck followed her out of the room, knowing exactly what his next move would be.

xoxo

"S! Thank god you're here! I need you to keep me busy all day. Shopping." Blair panted in between words.

She had just made the trek from home to the Van der Humphrey penthouse knowing exactly where to find her best friend over the Christmas period.

Although Serena was now currently engaged and lived with Dan, when it came to Christmas, Serena insisted on being home with Lily where there was catering, shopping and female company.

"Why are you so tired? Do you need some water!" Serena half smiled as she witnessed her very pregnant best friend waddle out from the elevator.

"Why am I so tired? Why don't you try carrying two Bass sprogs!" the brunette exaggerated as she flopped down onto the nearest sofa.

"I'd really rather not…ew." S grimaced as she approached Blair with a glass of juice, taking a seat next to her.

Ignoring her best friend's disgust, she just rolled her eyes and waited for S' baby routine.

Yes, her baby routine. It happened every time Blair saw her best friend. S had insisted that she must talk to Blair's bump to make sure they knew who she was when they were born. Not wanting to upset the blonde, Blair just got used to sitting and watching in slight amusement as Serena babbled about nonsense and stroked her stomach.

Although Blair wouldn't admit it, she enjoyed it when people stroked her belly. Of course not randomers off the street but family and especially Chuck. Blair was sworn to secrecy about the fact that Chuck also liked to talk to the babies every chance he got when they were just laid in bed together. For Blair it had become a luxury in the past few months.

"Hey, babies! It's Auntie S! Remember me! … You are both gunna be so cute!" Serena cooed before looking up to find Blair looking at her in amusement.

"What!"

"Serena van der Woodsen, maternal...pah!" Blair giggled as she teased her best friend.

"'Blair Bass, maternal…pahahaa!'" Serena reciprocated with a sarcastic laugh.

"Don't go there! I'm a crazy pregnant lady, remember!"

"Oh tell me about it!" Serena winked as the pair laughed.

"So why do I need to keep you busy?"

"Because Chuck wants what he can't have…" Blair announced cryptically while Serena frowned.

"Say that again?" the blonde laughed lightly.

"Chuck wanted to have sex with me this morning and I rejected him…he thinks he can get me to give in to temptation when it is clear he is the one who is not going to be able to hold out." She lamely explained.

"Since when did you ever deny Chuck anything? Or did he do something?..." Serena questioned, praying her best friend wouldn't get too graphic.

"Last week when I went into false labour…not pineapple…" Blair shrugged with a slight grin as Serena's face turned sour.

"Ew! Good god! Stop talking right now!" She almost yelled, flailing her arms as she did.

"Anyway, I have denied any 'activities' until after Christmas. I don't want a replay of last week on Christmas! He'll just have to be patient. As soon as we are clear of boxing day I will allow it, but until then…"

"And he thinks you're going to be the one to crack first?..."

Blair nodded.

"Well then we can't let him win. Shopping it is." Serena announced with determination as she stood from her seat, pulling Blair with her as they made their way to the elevator.

xoxo

"Oh my gosh! These are gorgeous, S! Come here!" Blair echoed as she gestured Serena towards a bauble collection she had found in the home department of Barneys.

"One minute!" Serena called back as she vanished into a crowd of pillows and linen.

Looking through the multiple individual and unique baubles that had been handmade, Blair picked four; all purple with individual designs which each were significant for Chuck, herself and their two unborn babies. It was as if they were made for her little family.

"Spending all my money…" A husky voice came up behind her and a pair of strong, familiar hands coming to rest on her hips.

"_Our_money. That's the only reason I married the poor soul…" Blair corrected, continuing as if the touch of his body flush against her back wasn't affecting her whatsoever.

"Oh…I heard it was because he's truly irresistible inside and outside of the bedroom…" he drawled playfully, waiting for more of her banter.

"You must of heard wrong…he's…average…that's why I am able to resist his lame! Attempt to gain my attention!" Blair erupted half way through her sentence, hitting him in the chest as she stepped out of his hands.

"Chuck! What are you doing here! I told you no!" She shot, stepping back further as he stepped closer.

"Serena! Bananas!" Blair yelled at the top of the lungs and out of nowhere, a flurry of blonde appeared, gasping as she reached Blair, looking at her in expectation.

"Did your water break? What happened?" She almost shouted.

"I need assistance with a pest." Blair spat, eying her husband who just looked plainly confused.

"What! We agreed that you only shout bananas if your waters have broken or you think you're in labour! Not for Chuck!" Serena complained, looking almost annoyed at the intrusion of her pillow shopping.

"Sorry, I got mixed up….I meant pineapples…they both have the same effect, shush!…" Blair shrugged.

Shaking her head, Serena turned to Chuck.

"Chuck. No. She is not going to have sex with you. Deal." Serena protested with a gesture for him to leave.

Looking between his sister and his wife, Chuck grinned before stepping into Blair and whispering.

"The baubles are perfect…"

With that he was gone, leaving Blair slightly dazed as she swallowed hard, butterflies in her stomach flipping as she watched him walk away. No, it was just the babies kicking, she reassured herself, rubbing her belly a little before directing her attention back at the baubles.

"Remember next time, bananas for babies…pineapples for Chuck…" Serena reminded, moving back towards the linen.

"That doesn't even make sense!" Blair called out behind her as Serena just waved her hand in dismissal.

xoxo

After a good few hours of shopping, the girls had arrived back at the Van der Humphrey penthouse, greeted by Lily.

"Serena! You're home… Blair, sweetie! You look gorgeous!" Lily complimented as she walked towards Blair and Serena offering a welcome hug.

"Lily, you look beautiful as ever!" Blair replied politely, hugging her mother-in-law the best she could with her large bump.

"You are just in time! I invited everyone for dinner. Charles and Nate said they would meet you here so they should be on their way", Lily announced as the pair realised the lounge was now full of family.

"Great!..." Blair muttered quietly, stepping into the area, smiling as she greeted Eric, Dan, Rufus and Cece.

xoxo

To say dinner didn't go smoothly was an understatement.

It would have all been fine if Lily hadn't insisted that Chuck sit next to his wife.

When Chuck placed his warm hands, 'innocently' on his wife's thigh during their first course, Blair retaliated with her foot 'innocently' kicking Chuck in the shin, eliciting the table to shake a little more than intended as the table directed their gaze to Blair.

"Kicking! It's just none-stop!" Blair laughed off, gesturing to her large bump, rubbing it affectionately before carrying on with her food.

Now, during dessert, just when Blair thought Chuck had given up on multiple failed attempts, his hand was once again on her thigh, under the table, edging closer and closer under the hem of her maternity dress and up her leg.

"Tea, anyone?" Lily asked as Blair's hand immediately shot up.

"Please! I would love one!" She almost yelled, Chuck's hand creeping closer and closer up her thigh, teasing her with his soft fingers as he did.

"Of course, enjoy." Lily nodded as she passed the hot tea.

It all happened before Chuck had time to react. One minute he was smiling at a remark Nate had made and the reaction he was getting off Blair, and the next, an 'oops' rang in the air and all he could feel was, hot. Very hot.

"Ooops!"

"Shit! Blair! What the! Ow! Shit!" Chuck yelled, retracting his hand from under the table and shooting up to standing position, his crotch completely saturated in warm tea.

"Oh dear! Are you alright?" Cece said in concern as the males on the table flinched at the sight, feeling his pain while Serena shook her head and Lily ran to get some tea towels.

"I'm fine… just a third degree burn…" Chuck replied, choking out the last part, sarcastically spoken under his breath.

"There is probably still a pair of your old trousers upstairs-" Lily gestured to the stairs with a look of concern on her face.

Nodding, Chuck gave Blair a scolding look before turning and heading for the stairs.

"Let me help you, Sweetie. Excuse me." Blair smiled politely before shuffling after her husband.

xoxo

Eventually making it upstairs, Blair found Chuck in one of the guest room, dabbing his Prada trousers dry with a towel as he sat on the bed, a scowl marring his features.

"Come to cause me some more physical damage?" Chuck shot, not looking up from his task.

"No…I couldn't let you win! And how was I supposed to know the tea would be that hot…" she explained with a pout.

"Because it was tea! You could have seriously damaged me."

"I really am sorry. What can I do to make it better?..."

"There isn't anything." He shot, like a little boy who had just been told off.

"How about…" Blair said in a playful baby tone as she placed her hands on each of his shoulders before bending into him and placing a chaste kiss against his pouty mouth.

"I'm still mad, Blair." He said in a grump, not that he didn't enjoy her lips on his after having to wait all day since this morning when their encounter was interrupted.

"I know and I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you…" She promised as she kissed him deeper, gripping the shoulders of his shirt with her palms, making him stand, his arms looping around her waist.

"Hmmm…Blair- wait- I thought you said-" He protested weakly, pulling away before Blair pushed her finger to his lips, silencing him as she pulled him by the collar until her lips came crashing down on his once again.

Tugging at one another's clothing until Chuck's tie was discarder and his shirt half unbuttoned, there was a sudden noise, neither one of them recognised but knew all too well. It was a gush.

Pulling her swollen lips away from her husbands slowly, they both looked at one another and then to the floor.

"Shit." Chuck muttered, eying his wet shoes and the pool of damp covering the floor.

"Please tell me that did not just happen." Blair shot, looking back up to Chuck, gripping his shoulder like a vice.

When Chuck just swallowed hard, staring at his foot, Blair spoke again.

"Tell. Me." She warned before a surge or pain came along with the scream.

"Oh crap! Chuck! Quick! Ow! Mother-chucker!" Blair yelled as Chuck reacted as quick as he could, grabbing his wife and lifting her into his arms just like it was there wedding day again…except it wasn't and she was now in labour, pregnant with twins.

Rushing down the hallway and towards the stairs as quick as Chuck could move his feet, turning to find seven pairs of eyes on them, Blair began to yell again.

"Bananas! Pineapples! Bananas! Bananas! Ow! Shit! Bananas! Pineapples!" Blair screamed, Serena jolting from her seat and running towards the pair.

"Babies?" She yelled back, waiting for her screaming best friend to reply.

Nodding with a red face as she gasped for air, Blair replied.

"Bananas! Bananas! Babies! Water-broke-Bananas!"

As everyone else in the room looked at each other baffled, standing and panicking slightly, Serena and Chuck carrying Blair were already in the elevator on the way to hospital.

The moment they stepped into the hospital, the midwives had never seen such a quick natural birth of twins.

All it seemed to take was Chuck whispering, 'You can do it' and 'I love you' before their babies were born safely; Chuck and Blair both is awe as they were presented with their new baby boy and girl.

"I knew you'd be the first one to crack…" Chuck smirked as he kissed Blair's sweaty brow before returning his attention to the pink and blue bundles in his arms.

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><p>AN: So? What did you think! I took hours writing this! Whoo! Hope it was as good as Turkey, Tantrums and New Traditions :) and like I said, if you haven't read that yet, go read please! :D let me know what you thought and I may have another one up my sleeve! **Thank you for reading!**


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